Join the Club

There's seems to be this club that is growing by leaps and bounds that no one wants to become a member of - and I had the unfortunate opportunity to become a part of it yesterday - The Club on the Unemployed.

It seems unnerving to me just how fast this group is growing - and everyone has their own stories. The shock is starting to wear off a little - but I don't like this "new" me. I've never been unemployed since I graduated high school and I can't help but feel like a loser. I feel lost - like I don't have a purpose. I'm also not sure what direction I want to go in. I would like to take whatever position will hire me as quickly as possible - but at the same time, I've always wanted to have my own business of designing invitations.

I can't help but hope that these changes in my life will be for the better - maybe a higher paying salary, or a job closer to home. I know that we'll be ok and make it though - but I've also seen my dreams of starting a family go down the tubes with my job. And that is what hurts the most.

Gettin' back on track

I'm finally getting over the remnants of the flu and getting everything back in order. I was in bed for four days straight and the apartment suffered from it - so I need to get it back on track.

I really need to get my butt in gear and work on that baby blanket that I started. It is bigger than the photo I posted, but no where near big enough to cover anything. Maybe big enough to be a scarf, but that's about it.

Also keep your fingers crossed for me because it'll soon be time to find out again whether Mother Nature hates me or not - if she does, it's back to the doctor to find out what we can do next and hopefully not lose a month.

Trying to find the rainbow

The past couple weeks, I've been feeling a little lost in life - not knowing where to turn or who to turn to. Things keep happening to my family in which I have no control over. I know bad things happen to good people and am no way putting blame on anyone - my family, myself, God. I also know that the things happening in my life right now are not as bad as things happening in other people's lives - which doesn't make it suck any less or make it any easier to deal with.

How do you find your footing? How do you make sense of these things that happen? I keep thinking not one more bad thing can happen - then it does. I'm not going to think about that anymore because I don't want it to be the reason things keep happening.

I read two great pieces of advice over the weekend that hopefully I'll be able to apply to the situations in my life. The first one being to not blame myself for the things that are, or are not, happening - to not think that I am any less of a person because of it. To put the blame on God - because even though He didn't cause it or wants to see harm to me and my family - He's the only one that has shoulders big enough to handle it.

The other advice that I heard is to look for the rainbows in the midst of the rain. It might be pouring sometimes, which I feel like it is now, but somewhere in that rain there is a rainbow just waiting to be found. While I'm trying to make sense of what's going on in my life right now, I'll keep looking for those rainbows, no matter how hard it rains.